I’m surprised by the number of young women that do themselves a disservice by being involved in unhealthy relationships. They remain in these relationships for years, hoping and thinking that things will change. These relationships often include verbal, mental or physical abuse, extreme jealousy or irresponsibility. Other symptoms found in unhealthy relationships include lack of engagement, intimacy and incompatibility. Granted, no relationship is perfect, but any one of these issues could be a deal breaker if you’re seeking a healthy, long term relationship.
People are drawn to others that are similar in nature, like the saying, “birds of a feather flock together”. So if one party suffers from extreme issues, i.e. jealousy, low self esteem, etc., they are likely drawn to a partner that experiences similar unhealthy issues. So you have two unhealthy people trying to build a relationship without having the proper foundation. It’s like two people with a cold in a relationship. They continue passing the cold back and forth, unable to recover to a healthy state.
An unhealthy relationship isn’t going to change unless the parties in the relationship change and the only party you have the power to change is you. So fix you!
You need to step out of the relationship and examine your own feelings. How do you feel when you’re not with your partner compared to your feelings when you are with him? Why are you attracted to him? If you remain in an unhealthy relationship out of fear of loneliness, you’ll find that the feelings of loneliness will also be present when you’re in an unfulfilled or unhealthy relationship.
Another lie women tell themselves is that they’ll stay in this relationship until they meet someone better. Newsflash! You’ll never meet anyone better, because you haven’t taken the time to determine what makes someone better. How will you know if someone is better or just more of the same if you don’t take time to analyze the qualities you’re seeking in a mate? Also, men generally aren’t interested in investing a lot of time and energy into someone who is physically and emotionally involved with someone else.
To free yourself from an unhealthy relationship, you need to do the following:
- First, you have to learn to love yourself. Some women may need professional counseling to help them get to the point of loving themselves. Do whatever work is required because you can’t love anyone until you love yourself.
- Learn to place your needs first. Think about what makes you happy, what you want in life now and what you want in the future. Then take the steps that will make those desires a reality.
- Most importantly, surround yourself by those who can help and support those dreams.
If your current partner doesn’t fit the assessment you’ve made for yourself, then you need to make some tough decisions. Be fair to yourself, and to him, if you know the relationship isn’t going anywhere. Then use the same measure of standard for anyone else you meet. If someone doesn’t share your values and aren’t able to support you in your current or future goals, then you’re wasting time – yours and his. Women who don’t take the time to assess and make necessary adjustments find themselves in the same place, year after year, still complaining. Maybe with a different person, but still involved in another unfulfilled or unhealthy relationship.
So make the decision to get off the merry-go-round and make some positive, healthy decisions for yourself. Learn to assess and adjust. Stop compromising and start treating yourself as the Queen you were created to be.