Pearls of Wisdom

Wisdom for Women

Giving Thanks in Every Circumstance

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It is easy to get caught up in our daily routine and not really appreciate the blessings God has bestowed on our lives…

  • We complain about our job, yet there are 7.8 million Americans unemployed .
  • We complain about our weight, yet there are some 795 million people in the world that do not have enough food to lead a healthy, active lifestyle.
  • We complain that our home is too small, too old, needs repair, yet we forget there are over a half million people that are homeless in the U.S.
  • Being a parent comes with added stress, but be grateful if your child is healthy, alive and drug free.

Regardless of your situation, there’s always someone experiencing more difficulties than you. Whenever I begin to feel overwhelmed, I’m reminded of the story called the Cross Room.  This story always humbles me and makes me very thankful for the burdens I carry.  God wants us to remember that He has a plan of each of us and to trust Him with the outcome.

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” – I Thessalonians 5:16-18.

Focusing Forward with Thanksgiving

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After experiencing a week of unsettling events, we now move into a season of unknown. The Serenity Prayer is such a wonderful reminder for us to not get caught up in the things we can’t change. Our God is an intentional God, and He has a plan for everything that happens. His ways are not our ways, so it’s always a test of faith and patience to wait for God to reveal His plan to us.

As we move into this season of Thanksgiving, rather than focusing on things out of our control, let’s focus on the blessings God has provided us. As we gather to spend time with friends and family, remember to give thanks for the love and joy shared among loved ones. When you are blessed to have the love of family and friends, the future is always brighter.

 

Living in a Trump World

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The 2016 Presidential election is over, and many are left dismayed, bewildered, and heartbroken with the outcome. Whether the outcome was the result of white lash, sexism, bigotry, fear or anti-Clintonism, we won’t know.

Regardless, he is America’s choice. If Trump is serious about healing this sharply divided country, he needs to start with an apology to the millions of Americans he has offended over the last 15 months through his hate filled rhetoric and social media attacks.

Maya Angelou said “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”  There’s nothing that can be done to change the election outcome. We can however, change our attitude about it and focus instead on the opportunities that have been presented to us:

  1. God remains on the throne.   While Jesus is not a registered voter, he does allow situations to happen. I believe God allowed this seriously flawed, inexperienced and mean spirited individual to rise to this position so that we, as a nation will humble ourselves, pray and seek God’s face. In one single night, millions of Americans became prayer warriors, committed to praying for our country, family and communities. God knows how to get His people on their knees!
  2. No one should ever be able to tell us that we ‘don’t have the qualifications’ to perform a job for which we apply. As for experience, Trump has never governed anything nor held any type of      political office. He is famous for being a successful real estate mogul, but with four bankruptcies, and numerous suits against him for unfair business practices, I question his definition of success. Evidently America doesn’t think it requires any significant skill, knowledge, political influence or experience to run a country. It’s good to know that any of us are qualified to become president. Kanye, you can run for president and Kim will fit right in as First Lady!
  3. We’ve been given new rules of engagement in which to live. Our country changed into Trump world overnight. In Trump world, we have been given permission to believe that hatred, bigotry, bullying, sexual harassment and violence are acceptable forms of behavior. The spike in violence in our schools and neighborhoods has already started.  Imagine dropping your 5 year old off to school and having them bullied for their skin color. The new rules of engagement in America mean people of color, the LGBTQ population and other minority populations must be vigilant to protect themselves and loved ones from the bullies that Trump has unleashed with his messages of hate. People of color and their children will learn quickly that they won’t necessarily have the same freedom opportunities as their Caucasian peers. They will learn that the laws in which they’re being governed may actually harm them instead of protecting them if the nationwide ‘stop and frisk’ policy Trump proposes is passed.
  4.  We must take action and get involved in our community, along with local and state political affairs to motivate change. The progress made in civil rights over the last 60 years is at stake. With the Republican platform, Republican congress and Trump at the helm, this country could be thrown back into the 1950’s. Now is not the time to cut and run, but to stand and fight.
  5. More than ever, people of color and other minority groups need to exercise their economic freedom by using their financial resources in a way that will build up and invest back into minority communities and businesses. Research and be mindful of the organizations and businesses you choose to support. If they do not support or benefit minority causes and communities, they don’t need your money.
  6. Best of all, we get to demonstrate to Trump and the 49 million people that voted for him what love, respect, acceptance and inclusion really look like. They haven’t a clue.

Maya Angelou also said “You will face many defeats in your life, but never let yourself be defeated.” We must remain encouraged, never losing hope. “For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love and of a self-discipline. (2 Timothy:7)

Remember, we are not alone. God promised to fight the battle for us. All we have to do is show up.

 

America, Your True Colors are showing

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OMG! I am so tired of hearing all of this election rhetoric. I can’t remember the last presidential campaign that was this negative, divisive and downright evil! November 8th can’t come soon enough!

All presidential campaigns are composed of imperfect individuals trying to compete for the greatest position of power in the country. However, this campaign has been the beast of all campaigns. Considering the flawed candidates involved in this presidential election, I shouldn’t be surprised. What has been the most troubling about this election is that our country has shown its true colors, and I don’t mean red, white and blue.

As an African American, I am well aware that racism has always been prevalent in our country. The increase in the number of immigrants arriving in this country each year has exacerbated racism to a new level. The gradual increase in the number of minorities has created fear in the disappearing majority, as they see their communities, their schools and work environments becoming browner. A few years ago, this demographic change would have been viewed as an opportunity to learn and grow from one another and to appreciate differences. Today, it’s viewed as a threat and the country has been given permission and encouraged to speak out against and reject anyone that doesn’t look like the white Nationalist that founded this country.  Frankly, many Americans, especially many of our congressmen, are still angry that they’ve been under the leadership of an African American president for the last eight years. Their disdain was expressed from the day President Obama took the oath in 2009.

America, your true heart is on display, and it’s not pretty!

Regardless of who wins the election, gridlock, backbiting and political fighting will continue.  Racial tensions will become more aggressive as evidenced by the recent church burning in Mississippi. The genie is out of the bottle and it’s not going back in anytime soon!

What keeps me sane through this election insanity is remembering that God is on the throne and will remain on the throne after November 8. Fortunately, I’m not depending upon Hillary or Donald to solve any of my problems or to be my hope for the future. My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. (Psalm 121:2)

The LORD reigns forever; he has established his throne for judgment. He rules the world in righteousness and judges the peoples with equity.  The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of  trouble.  ~Psalm 9:7-9             

We need to be in earnest prayer for our country and its elected leaders. The world is watching us and so are our enemies. We are more vulnerable than we’ve ever been. God can’t possibly be pleased with what’s happening in our country and we will be judged for it. We must focus our eyes on Jesus. HE is our hope and the only one that can get us through the trying times that are ahead of us.

A King is nothing without his queen

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My daughter, Aleah Jones, presents the final message of our Queen series…

Fashion and beauty have always been important to me. I take pride in my physical appearance, and while I do put effort into my appearance, I never want people to view me on a superficial level. As I’ve matured in my adulthood, I’ve learned to focus on more than just my outer appearance. Not only am I a beautiful woman, but I am smart, strong and talented, too. Naturally, I’m drawn to the history of Queen Nefertiti.

As the wife of Pharaoh Akhenaten, Queen Nefertiti and her husband ruled over Egypt from 1353 to 1336 B.C. Nefertiti was renowned for her captivating beauty, both in life and after death. Some historians have titled her as the most beautiful woman in the world. Even her name means “a beautiful woman has come.” But aside from being an icon of female beauty, she is also considered to be one of the most powerful women to rule over Egypt. This, in large part, is due to the effort the king made to present her as his equal.

It is interesting to note that historians speak of Akhenaten and Nefertiti ruling together. One reason for this may be due to the deformities Akhenaten had which hindered his role as king. He leaned on his queen, putting his trust in Nefertiti and allowing her to make important decisions for Egypt. Akhenaten made sure everyone knew how much he valued his queen. Her figure was placed on temple walls in the same size as his, and he even had her name placed next to his in his royal cartouche. In Egyptian reliefs, she is depicted as a powerful and authoritative figure. She can be seen wearing the crown of pharaoh, driving a chariot, leading worship, or attacking enemies in battle – all positions typically reserved for the king.

The king valued her importance, but he also revered his queen. Akhenaten and Nefertiti were said to be inseparable, and were often see riding in chariots together and kissing in public. Their legendary love is depicted in hieroglyphs and love poems he wrote to her. Akhenaten had a depiction of Nefertiti protecting his mummy carved onto the four corners of his sarcophagus – a role which traditionally was reserved for the female deities of Egypt. It is clear the king saw his queen as not only his equal, but his protector.

The story of King Akhenaten and Queen Nefertiti’s reign brings my mind to the modern day quote “a king is nothing without his queen.” The king knew he had a strong woman by his side. Instead of forcing her into a submissive role, he valued her strength and presented her as his equal. Their relationship was a true partnership, which is something I think we all should look for in a mate.

Ladies, your king is going to be someone who builds your strengths and compliments your weaknesses. A man who truly values the woman you are, trusts in you, and wants to move you forward. After all, behind every strong man is an even stronger woman.

“On the left side of a strong woman stands a strong man; he is strengthened by her character.” ~ Ellen J. Barrier

Sources: 1. http://www.biography.com/people/nefertiti-9421166 2. http://www.history.com/topics/ancient-history/nefertiti 3. http://ohfact.com/interesting-facts-about-queen-nefertiti/ 4. http://www.ancient-origins.net/unexplained-phenomena/mysterious-disappearance-nefertiti-ruler-nile-001988 5. https://www.britannica.com/biography/Nefertiti 6. http://kingtutone.com/queens/nefertiti/

Queen Vashti – A woman before her time

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The Book of Esther highlights the story of Queen Esther, how she became a part of King Ahasuerus’s (Xerxes) harem, then eventually the Queen. Queen Esther is most remembered and revered for saving the lives of the Jews that lived in King Ahasuerus’s provinces.  The heroic act of Queen Esther will always be admired and is celebrated each year during Purim, the Jewish holiday.

However, the forerunner of Queen Esther was Queen Vashti, the first wife of King Ahasuerus. Vashti is only mentioned briefly in the book of Esther ( Chapters 1, 2:1), where she was dethroned in disgrace. However, taking another look at Queen Vashti, I believe she was a queen that may have been misunderstood and wrongly judged.  She was certainly a victim of the King’s improper behavior and poor choices executed while under the influence. Queen Vashti paid the ultimate price for being a modest and respectful woman, while trying to be obedient to the custom.

Queen Vashti was married to King Ahasuerus (Xerxes), who at that time reigned over 127 provinces in the Persian empire. In the third year of his reign, King Ahasuerus hosted a great banquet that lasted seven days. The guests included his princes and attendants, army officers of Persia and Media, nobles and anyone else of significance and importance.  This was a first class affair, with the royal wine flowing freely to all who desired to partake.

It is important to note that Queen Vashti was hosting her own banquet for the women in the palace, which coincided with King Ahasuerus’s banquet. She had her own party going which I’m sure measured up to the same level of grandeur as the King’s banquet.

On the seventh day of the banquet, King Ahasuerus, heavily intoxicated, summoned Queen Vashti to his banquet. She was to wear her royal crown and strut her stuff, to show the king’s guest how beautiful she was.  Scripture isn’t clear as to what exactly was Vashti expected to do at the banquet.  Some commentaries believe the King expected her to appear or dance naked before the guests. At the very least, she was to be put on display as a prized possession.  For some unknown reason, Queen Vashti refused the King’s request. She could have been occupied with her own guests and didn’t want to appear rude. I can think of many reasons why she wouldn’t drop everything and run to the King’s side.  Since it was not proper for a queen to remain in the company of the King and his guests when drinking, the most common belief was that she found the request extremely insulting.  What woman would want to be in the company of a group of men that had been drinking continuously for seven days? Can you imagine the condition of that room and how foul it must have smelled? Queen Vashti was having no parts of it! She was not going to be objectified and certainly not by hundreds of drunken men.  She was a noble woman, accustomed to being treated with dignity and respect. Not even the King would be allowed to disrespect her.

Because of Queen Vashti’s disobedience to the King, she was punished severely. King Ahasuerus divorced Vashti, which meant she was deposed and was never mentioned again in Scripture. Her punishment served as lesson for women in the provinces to stay in their place. Husbands were the masters in the home and their wives were to obey them, no matter what the request.

By today’s standards, Vashti’s punishment was unwarranted as her behavior was completely justified. In fact, it would have been the King who was in trouble, and would have no doubt spent a few nights on the couch.

I admire Vashti for being the noble woman that she was. Her demand for respect and honor was not going to be compromised for anyone, not even the King. She took a tough stand, which cost her dearly.  Queen Vashti was wrongly punished for doing the right thing. Unfortunately, she was a woman before her time.

Queens, hold yourselves in high regard and expect others to treat you accordingly. Like the Proverbs 31 woman, you are of noble character, deserving to be highly respected by all. Don’t compromise your values nor tolerate anyone who tries to make you think, act or be less than the beautiful creature God made you to be.  Regardless of the circumstances, continue to hold your head high. Even if you get knocked down, like the phoenix, you will rise again!

5 ways to know if he is your king

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I’ve listened to numerous talk shows, radio programs and have engaged with women of all ages in regards to their quest of finding suitable mates. Considering the number of men that are incarcerated or have lost their lives fighting in the Middle East, few would argue that the pool of available men have decreased.  Add to this the number of men caught up in life on the street with crime and drug addiction, and the number of available men decreases even more.

Despite the shortage of available men, I am an optimist and believe that there is someone out there for everyone. It is my belief that because there are also a lot of imposters and projects that we want to avoid (see my blog post on Unwanted Projects), women today have to be more intentional in finding their mates. In other words, if you want to find your king, you’d better act like the queen.  Let’s take a look at the story of the Queen of Sheba.

The Queen of Sheba was a woman of great wealth, power and beauty. Her ancestry and the region in which she ruled are unclear. Her visit to King Solomon is detailed in scripture verses I Kings 10:1-13 and 2 Chronicles 9:1-12. To summarize, the Queen of Sheba had heard a great deal about Solomon’s wealth and wisdom. In fact, she was so curious and amazed by what she heard that she gathered her caravan of herdsman, servants and camels and journeyed 1,400 miles to visit him so she could see for herself.  Once there, she spent a significant amount of time speaking with him, and quizzing him on his knowledge and wisdom.  Aside from his wisdom, the Queen was impressed by the extraordinary wealth King Solomon had amassed. The beautiful palace he had built, the food that was served, the fine appearance and contentment of King Solomon’s royal court and servants overwhelmed the Queen. She was convinced that King Solomon was the real deal and that God’s anointing was on his life.  After exchanging gifts with him, the Queen of Sheba returned to her home.

No other reason was given for the Queen’s visit to Solomon other than to confirm what she was hearing about him. However, her actions were noteworthy and should serve as a model for any woman on a quest to find her mate. There are five key steps the Queen performed to check out King Solomon.

  1. She checked out the facts – The Queen went through great lengths to validate what she had heard about King Solomon. Riding a camel for 1,400 miles across the desert sands of Arabia, along the coast of the Red Sea, up into Moab, and over the Jordan River to Jerusalem was not an easy journey. It was estimated that it took her entourage almost a year to complete this journey. Despite the tremendous effort and time it would take to make the visit, the Queen knew it was important enough to seek out the truth about King Solomon.
  2.  She tested Solomon – She spent a lot of time with Solomon asking him complex questions to test his wisdom. He properly provided the Queen with the answers to everything that was on her heart.
  3.  She examined the evidence – Impressed and excited with his wisdom, the queen was overwhelmed by Solomon’s wealth, the beauty of the palace, the food, the regal appearance and happiness of Solomon’s royal court and servants. She knew that Solomon was the real deal and that he superseded everything she had heard about him.
  4.  She recognized God’s hand in Solomon’s life – There is some question as to the spiritual beliefs of the Queen of Sheba. Whatever they were, there was little question in her mind that King Solomon had God’s favor on his life. She praised God and shared her belief that because of King Solomon’s love for God, his faithfulness and his quest for justice for his people, God had rewarded him by making him King.
  5.  They had mutual respect for one another – After the Queen’s curiosity about King Solomon was satisfied, there was a mutual exchange of gifts. King Solomon provided the Queen with all the wisdom she inquired about plus a share of his royal bounty. Notice that the Queen did not come empty handed, nor was she looking for a handout. They were both considerably wealthy and could afford to shower lavish gifts upon one another.

So the next time you meet someone who comes across as Prince Charming, do your homework.  Check him out, test him and examine the fruit of his life closely to make sure he’s not an imposter. Look for God’s favor in his life. If all he can talk about is I,I,I, with no mention of what God has done in his life, keep moving. He’s not the one.  Finally, have your stuff together. Don’t go looking like you’ve had a rough life – even if you have. Don’t approach him as if you’re looking for someone to take care of you. Nor should you appear as if you’re looking for a handout.  Behaving this way will make it difficult for him to respect you and will discourage him from seeking a relationship with you. Remember that God is your provider and He is the one who will take care of you. Your King is there only to enhance and share your joy.

Following the above steps will insure that your Prince Charming is not a counterfeit and you can safely step into your future with him by your side.

 

The Virtuous Woman – A wife of noble character

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Recent headlines have been full of the pending divorce of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Even for Hollywood’s power couple, the effort to build and maintain a healthy marriage has been extremely challenging.

A happy and healthy marriage takes the ‘continuous’ commitment of two individuals, willing to yield their interests and self-will for the good of building unity and oneness. Individuals use to living and making decisions independent of others find this difficult. Without Christ being in the center of the marriage, it is even more difficult to succeed at this.

In an ideal marriage, each spouse would place the needs and desires of the other first. Since we can’t make our spouses behave this way, all we can do is control our own behavior and pray that it will positively influence our spouses to love and cherish us as Christ loved the Church..

In Proverbs 31, God has graciously provided a model for women to follow, if they desire to become the wife that husbands will love, honor and respect. This chapter describes the characteristics of the wife of noble character. Let’s take a look.

  1. She is industrious and hard working. You won’t find this woman sitting back watching soap operas and eating bon- bons. This wife gets up early to start the day, creating and making the most of opportunities to provide for her family. She makes the most of her day and doesn’t get caught up in pettiness and gossip.
  2. She is smart and has business saavy. She’s wise and knows how to handle her business. She’s resourceful and doesn’t rely on her husband’s efforts and income.
  3. She’s a planner and is pro-active in planning for the unexpected or lean times. Her family feels safe and secure because they trust that Mom has made provisions and even has a backup plan.
  4. She partners with her husband to provide for the family. She works tirelessly in and outside of the home caring for her family. The earnings derived from her business ventures, combined with her husband’s income and resources sets her family on solid ground. She supports her husband in his endeavors. He knows that she has his back.
  5. She is charitable. Although her efforts are directed towards making sure her family has what they need, she is still generous, freely giving to those less fortunate and in need.
  6. She is wise and always truthful in the instructions and guidance she provides to family and friends.  She is caring and exudes warmth, attracting many by her grace and style.
  7. Due to her intellect, integrity, work ethic and wisdom, she is well respected and revered within the community. She is adored and loved by her husband and children.
  8. She fears the Lord! She is humble and recognizes where her strength comes from and is grateful for the blessings God has bestowed on her. Her faith is solid as she has learned to trust the Lord at all times.

The husband married to the noble wife is proud as a peacock. She makes him look good as he becomes the envy of every man who knows him. A wise husband will value the noble wife he has at home and be content.

However, if he’s crazy enough to go grazing in greener pastures, he’ll quickly find  that it’s artificial turf.  He’ll be back!

 

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God answers our prayers in many ways, but not necessarily as we expect. God is God. He has the power and authority to respond to our prayers any way he’d like. What I’ve also come to appreciate is that our God is a big God and is the king of multitasking.  God is not just answering my prayers, but millions of prayer requests simultaneously. Most of these requests may appear unrelated, but to God, they all are related.  In fact, I picture God in Heaven sitting on His throne with a massive puzzle on an extremely large table in front of Him. He’s moving puzzle pieces around constantly as He responds to individual petitions.

I thought back on one of my recent prayer requests. I realized that a few others were probably praying that same request. In His infinite wisdom, God can respond favorably to all of us, yet yield different results with each of us.   That’s because our Daddy will often call others to walk ahead or beside us when fulfilling our prayer requests.  Some are there to offer support, while others are there to coach and mentor us until we’re ready to step into the purpose God has for us.  God may actually place someone else ahead of us in our purpose.  The nerve! God does this because he loves us. He uses the ‘forerunner’ to flush out the problems and prepare the way for us. In the Old Testament, God used the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites and other nations as forerunners to the Israelites. These nations were among many that occupied the Promised Land, preparing the land flowing with milk and honey for the arrival of the Israelites.

As I assessed my recent prayer request, I was humbled to consider the role God would have me play in His answer to my request. I could be designated a forerunner or could very well be providing support to someone else that God places in what I felt was my purpose.  God will test our willingness to yield to His will, just as He tested the Israelites.

God delivered the Israelites out of Egypt. Despite the miracles witnessed during their journey, the Israelites continued to grumble and complain against God. God said to Moses, “How long shall I bear this evil congregation who are grumbling against Me?” When God has had enough, He moves in mighty ways!  God declared that no Israelite over the age of 20 would enter the Promised Land.  Rather than leading the group directly to the Promised Land, which was less than a week’s journey, God led them in circles throughout the desert for 40 years, until the last of the original group of Israelites were dead.  God tried to reposition the Israelites, they refused to trust and follow His will so God wiped them out.

Romans 12:16 reminds us not to be wise in our own opinion. In spite of our requests, God knows what is best for us. We need to trust God and accept the role God has placed us in for the moment.  Our response to God’s decision today will determine the position to which He moves us in tomorrow.

 

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